We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.
Mother Night
What does it mean to be authentic? A quick Google search on the question shows a standard definition of “being true to your own personality”. This framing suggests that we have a “core” personality, and that we can choose for our actions to either align to it or deviate from it. Those who choose alignment are authentic, while those who deviate from their own personality are seen as inauthentic actors.
I remember a stereotypical example of inauthenticity from a gathering my roommate and I hosted several years ago. We had invited a number of our friends, and a few brought along others we didn’t know, including someone I’ll call John. Despite the relaxed vibe of the group, John seemed intent on coming off as confident and charismatic, continually injecting himself into conversations with the aim of seizing the lead role. Something about his behavior felt “off”, and I remember talking about it with my roommate afterward. “What was that guy doing?”, I asked, to which he responded “He was trying to be someone he wasn’t”.
There we go, case closed. Authenticity occurs when we choose to align to our own personality, and inauthenticity occurs when we try to deviate (like John). John’s mistake was not recognizing that he lacked a confident and charismatic personality; he instead should have conformed to his quiet, meek personality to be authentic. Authentic confidence and charisma must be left to those endowed (born?) with the corresponding personality.
Wait, that doesn’t sound right. Can we really say John’s inauthenticity arose from trying to act differently from his core personality? Or is it more accurate to say he appeared inauthentic because he played that role poorly?
I can easily imagine a different version of events, one where John arrives and is instantly well-liked, with his contributions to conversations highly valued and his attention sought after. Crucially, this version only requires John to be more adept at socialization in this particular setting; it says nothing about any core personality. John could be shy at work, angry with his parents, saint-like when alone – and none of that matters, as long as his confidence at the party comes off as “real”. Authenticity wouldn’t have required a different core personality, just a better sense of when to interject, of what conversational topics would resonate, and of how long to hold eye contact.
In a sense, we’re always “acting”. Sometimes we play the desired role more naturally (like when with close friends), and other times with effort (like when starting a new job), but we’re always choosing to project a version of ourselves to the world. “Personality” represents the types of traits we find it easiest to exhibit, but the range of traits can change with time and experience. Authenticity arises from proficiency with a particular role, which means you’re free to come off as authentic in whatever manner you prefer – as long as you practice!